Joan Lavendar PsyD - Comprehensive Personalized Psychotherapy Services

A Girl and Her Dog

Suggestions for friends and families of a loved one with an eating disorder

  • While we are all sensitive to issues of weight and body image, people with eating disorders often do not realize the problem or are afraid to take a serious look at their eating problems. Often, they are trying to solve a painful emotional problem through changing body size or changing food intake. Looks may be important, but they aren't everything.
  • Symptoms are always embedded in an individual who also has many strengths and unique qualities. Take care to avoid seeing your loved one only in terms of her symptoms.
  • Shame is a central feature of eating disorders. You can help your loved one reduce a sense of shame by avoiding, at all costs, any types of comments (positive or negative) about size, shape, weight or eating habits. Express interest in the other aspects of her life, the ones that have been meaningful to her.
  • Many people with anorexia use starvation as proof that they have the willpower to manage their lives. Once they are out of medical danger, they can use this strength in a positive way.
  • Eating disorder symptoms may carry a deeper meaning that goes beyond surface concerns with food, body size and appearance. Be open to considering what the meaning of these symptoms might be for your person. The meaning and function of symptoms can be multiple, and can change over the course of treatment.
  • People with eating disorder often over function and are driven by the need to perform perfectly. Make a clear distinction between ambition, high standards and perfectionism. Perfectionism and the need for admiration increase symptoms; love and listening can diminish them.
  • Purging can be an attempt to rid oneself of painful memories and feelings.
  • If you find your loved one in the midst of being symptomatic, ask her if she would like your help. If she refuses your offer now, wait until she is ready to talk with you.
  • Significant serious food restriction often leads to binge eating.
  • Learn about services and levels of care available to people with eating issues. Learn the medical signs of danger. Consult physicians and nutritionists who are specialists in eating disorders.
  • The culture of disordered eating is pervasive in our society. Help your person become less secretive about her struggle by letting her know how you personally react to social norms, standards and pressures.
  • The role that parents and loved ones play in the recovery process is vital. Participate fully in the therapeutic process by truly listening. Try to see issues from different perspectives. Take the risk to discuss issues that you have avoided in the past.

  • What kind of symptoms/diagnoses can you get help for?

  • Adjustment Reactions
  • Anorexia Nervosa
  • Anxiety Disorders
  • Bipolar Mood Disorder
  • Body Image
  • Bulimia Nervosa
  • Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
  • Depression and Mood Disorders
  • Dissociative Disorders
  • Personality Issues: Overly Sensitive, Intense, Moody, Avoidant, Self-Defeating, Obsessive-compulsive, Perfectionistic
  • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
  • Social Phobia
  • Somatization
  • Women's Issues

  • What kind of life situations can you get help for?

  • Abuse and neglect
  • Adult siblings
  • College transition
  • Competition, jealousy and envy
  • Cross-cultural situations
  • Creativity, talent and accomplishment
  • Family
  • Friendship issues
  • Grief and loss
  • Intimacy
  • Loneliness and Aging
  • Work

  • For

  • Individuals (older adolescents and adults)
  • Couples
  • Families
  • Groups
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